Bulletin Board Postings

Wanted: Muscamoli Weed. Needed for magical research. Will pay eleven-hundred Silver Dinari per ounce. Offer stands for limited time only. Ask for Andromichae Londina, Apprentice to The Mad Mage of Ausbach. * The letters of this posting gently glow with arcane light. *

Wanted, Dead or Alive, (Preferably Dead): A’Ærcham Klondiklam, Also Known As, “The One-Eyed Terror,” for Murder; Attempted Murder; Disrespecting the Nobility; Sacrilege, consisting of Defamation of Character of His Holiness, Karl Krauser, the Archbishop of Alright; Wearing Red During the Time of Cleansing; L-Walking; Being an Idiot, (filed by the, “Committee For Personal Responsibility,” Township of West-Minister), and Eating Without Paying for the Meal. Bounty: Five-thousand Gold Crowns if brought in alive; eight-thousand if brought in dead. Bill of Attainder on file with the Central Court-Royal. Filed on the twenty-seventh day of Hill-Blossoms, in the year eleven fifty-three, new calender. To collect this bounty, ask for Maurice D’Avingon, Prosecutor General of the Java Central Court-Royal. * This posting is accompanied by a picture of a mean-looking centaur, and a drawing sufficient for identification purposes, which includes an eye-patch. *

Okay, I need someone to go to the Swamp of Lost Souls to retrieve my Winter Orb. It accidentally got mixed in with the trash that I sent there yesterday. I will pay a bounty of one hundred Gold Crowns to anyone crazy, I mean, BRAVE enough to go fetch it. I can provide the exact coordinates of my dump site, and will include a one-time, one-direction teleportation service for free. Anyone interested in taking this job can inquire at my tower in the southeast part of town any day except ninth or tenth day, and any time between nine-hundred and fifteen-hundred hours, or any other time I happen to be sober. Well, best of luck, and all that! Put my signature down as, “The Blue Mage of Alright.” Yeah, that should work. Okay, that’s it. Do you think there’s anyone willing to take this job? I mean, there is the possibility of running into the minoclops while they’re out there. It’s also possible that the monstrosity might have my orb! I hope not. I might even be able to go and get it myself without TOO much trouble, and a fairly high chance of making it back alive, but you know me; I am awfully lazy! Wait! Are you writing that part down? No! Stop! You idiot! End dictation! End dictation! * Judging by the condition of the paper, this entry appears to be several weeks old. *

Help! My brother is pozesd by a mad spirit. I am sertin of it! I will pay whatever I kan if someone wil only get rid of it. My brotherz name is Klavier von Hesse. I kurently work as his groundz keeper. He haz a tower and estait on the west side of Hekterz Purl. Pleez help. * It’s obvious that the person who posted this does not know how to spell. *

Mercenaries wanted for special guard job. Job consists of guarding a special caravan from Hector’s Pearl to Java. Flat payment of fifty Silver Dinari per head, plus monthly pay according to grade, hazard pay consisting of five Silver Dinari per dium, combat pay (if applicable), and any bonuses, (if earned). Combat loot, (if taken) becomes the property of the employer, but a twenty percent finder’s fee is paid to the mercenary. Job will require affiliation with, and membership in the Company of the White Raven. One meal per day is included. Must provide own equipment. Apply at Aviguard’s Antiques. Job offer expires in “6” days. * The number indicating the expiration is obviously magical. If you examine the number tomorrow, it might be smaller. *

I have roasted duck. I sell. You buy. You buy! Only eight penny! Include special sauce. Very tasty! It can come by south road for telling. It gives name for Peking Duck. I give try. My name? Seven Flower. * It’s obvious that the person who posted this isn’t from the local area. *

Wanted: Muscamoli Weed. Needed for recreational “perfectly legitimate” use. Will pay fifteen-hundred Silver Dinari per ounce. Go to the Asukuda Bar and ask for a “Fireman.” One of our representatives will kill be with you within the hour. * No comment. *

My back-yard is haunted! By the holy light, I swear it! Every thirtieth day a ghost comes to my well, counts to nine, and then screams bloody hell! My children have trouble sleeping every twenty-seventh through thirtieth night. My wife threatens to make me sleep on the sofa when this happens. I have to eat turnips for dinner. My name is Robert Paulsen. I will pay ten twenty Silver Dinars to end this. thirty forty fifty Silver Dinars to help this poor spirit rest in peace. seventy-five ninty. one-hundred one-hundred fifty Silver Dinars to be rid of this problem once-and-for-all! * This part appears to have been copied from another text, and a great deal of space deliberately left at the end. *

Wanted: Mummified hand. Needed for magical item creation. I will pay good money for them, since I just got a boost to my research funding grant. Please come see me at my master’s tower. A.L. * This handwriting looks familiar. The paper seems lightly splotched with some kind of food sauce. *

Bulletin Board Postings

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